You're most explosive unacknowledged abilities.

By now you might be feeling a little bit of frustration. After all this is supposed to be a article about personal empowerment and all I've talked about so far is how we become and remain victims. Not very empowering, at least on the surface. Until we understand and admit the problem, however, the solution really isn't going to do much for us. That's why I've spent the first couple of articles with the victim's attitude as our focus. Now I want to begin to look at the way out; the way toward personal power.

Hidden inside each of us are two rarely acknowledged faculties that, when used consistently and properly, propel us to victory and free us from perpetual victim -hood. There are very few exceptions and even some of those exceptions can do amazing things once they learn how to use these abilities.

One word of warning, these abilities are interdependent. Use of one without the other could create disastrous results. One could keep us trapped as victims and the other could lead us into real danger. Use them together, however, and the days of our victim hood will come to a screeching halt.

So what are these magic facilities? Simple. They are the capacity to think and the capacity to choose.

At this point I should be clear that I am talking of the conscious use of these skills. Too often we end up feeling trapped because we have made unwitting choices. They were made more by reflex than by intent. We have responded to circumstances rather than acted with premeditation. They still are choices but we are not aware that we have made them and it often feels like we have not.

It is only when we make unconscious choices, I.e. choice without thought, that we add to our sense of powerlessness

So we've come to the point in our discussion to get practical. Wanting to leave the bounds of the Victim's mindset we now need some practical suggestions that will help us to move onto the pathway of the Victor. How do we start? What principles should guide us? What changes need to take place in us in order to become more pro-active in our lives? These are the issues that this article will cover.

First let me start by giving you what I consider to be the overall guiding principle we should always strive to live out. That key principle is: You are what matters most. It's your life and it's short. Why insist on sacrificing it to everything else but what matters most to you?

We have been inundated throughout our lives that to be committed to our own interests is somehow evil or inhuman. We've been taught that the noblest thing to do is to sacrifice ourselves to the whims of society, family, religion or other figures of authority. To be "selfish" is to be condemned as the ultimate evil. In response, I would like to ask a simple question. Why is healthy self-interest so wrong? What is it about the desires of others that make them morally superior to our own?

Living out of a commitment to healthy self-interest does not imply that we will become monstrous brutes dedicated to stepping on all the "little people" as we scrabble toward "the top". On the contrary, it is in our ultimate self-interest to build win-win situations and to respect others with whom we interact on a day-by-day basis. Besides, most of us are driven by our own selfish ends whether we want to admit it or not, so why not give ourselves permission to be what we already are. Dump the guilt and pursue what matters most to you. It's OK. Really!

Now to begin living from this perspective and to begin our trek along the pathway of the Victor we must commit to the following six principles: Identification; Selection; Action; Evaluation; Modification; and finally Persistence. Let's take a look at the first principle.

By now you might be feeling a little bit of frustration. After all this is supposed to be a article about personal empowerment and all I've talked about so far is how we become and remain victims. Not very empowering, at least on the surface. Until we understand and admit the problem, however, the solution really isn't going to do much for us. That's why I've spent the first couple of articles with the victim's attitude as our focus. Now I want to begin to look at the way out; the way toward personal power.

Hidden inside each of us are two rarely acknowledged faculties that, when used consistently and properly, propel us to victory and free us from perpetual victim -hood. There are very few exceptions and even some of those exceptions can do amazing things once they learn how to use these abilities.

One word of warning, these abilities are interdependent. Use of one without the other could create disastrous results. One could keep us trapped as victims and the other could lead us into real danger. Use them together, however, and the days of our victim hood will come to a screeching halt.

So what are these magic facilities? Simple. They are the capacity to think and the capacity to choose.

At this point I should be clear that I am talking of the conscious use of these skills. Too often we end up feeling trapped because we have made unwitting choices. They were made more by reflex than by intent. We have responded to circumstances rather than acted with premeditation. They still are choices but we are not aware that we have made them and it often feels like we have not.

It is only when we make unconscious choices, I.e. choice without thought, that we add to our sense of powerlessness

So we've come to the point in our discussion to get practical. Wanting to leave the bounds of the Victim's mindset we now need some practical suggestions that will help us to move onto the pathway of the Victor. How do we start? What principles should guide us? What changes need to take place in us in order to become more pro-active in our lives? These are the issues that this article will cover.

First let me start by giving you what I consider to be the overall guiding principle we should always strive to live out. That key principle is: You are what matters most. It's your life and it's short. Why insist on sacrificing it to everything else but what matters most to you?

We have been inundated throughout our lives that to be committed to our own interests is somehow evil or inhuman. We've been taught that the noblest thing to do is to sacrifice ourselves to the whims of society, family, religion or other figures of authority. To be "selfish" is to be condemned as the ultimate evil. In response, I would like to ask a simple question. Why is healthy self-interest so wrong? What is it about the desires of others that make them morally superior to our own?

Living out of a commitment to healthy self-interest does not imply that we will become monstrous brutes dedicated to stepping on all the "little people" as we scrabble toward "the top". On the contrary, it is in our ultimate self-interest to build win-win situations and to respect others with whom we interact on a day-by-day basis. Besides, most of us are driven by our own selfish ends whether we want to admit it or not, so why not give ourselves permission to be what we already are. Dump the guilt and pursue what matters most to you. It's OK. Really!

Now to begin living from this perspective and to begin our trek along the pathway of the Victor we must commit to the following six principles: Identification; Selection; Action; Evaluation; Modification; and finally Persistence. Let's take a look at the first principle.

Principle Number One: Identification

To take on the role of Victor we must first and foremost identify what it is we want in each individual situation. We started out this article talking about New Year's resolutions and how that sometimes we choose resolutions we think will be pleasing to significant others in our lives. We really don't have the heart to be committed to the resolutions, but because we think that others will think better of us if we "make the attempt" we adopt the resolutions even though we don't really want to. That kind of activity must stop if we are to enter the Victor's path. From now on we will be driven by a single question: "What is it that I really want at this point in my life?" We won't move until we arrive an acceptable answer.

Secondly, we must identify those things that currently stand in the way of obtaining our desire. We must also identify possible future obstacles. Every worthwhile objective has a price that must be paid before we can partake of the rewards of achievement. Much of the time the price is in the form of energy that must be expended to eliminate or work around a variety of obstacles. Identifying those obstacles can give us a good idea of the cost of achieving our desire. It also gives us a basis for determining a "plan of action" that we can take in order to reach our goal. By also paying attention to potential future obstacles, we can prepare for contingencies in our action plan.

Spend a good deal of time examining not only current obstacles, but in anticipating as many potential obstacles as possible.

Next you need to identify what it will cost you to achieve your desired outcome. Earlier I mentioned that much of that cost would be experienced in terms of expending energy toward removing or working around obstacles. But some desirable outcomes might carry other costs as well. For instance, it might call you to go against the wishes of a family member or exchange some comfortable situation for one that is temporarily much less comfortable.

Whatever the cost, know that there will always be one. There is no free lunch. You must always exchange something for the reward of achieving your dream. No one is exempt. Try to identify, as much as possible what that cost will be. For instance, let's say you're deciding that you want to change jobs and enter a more exciting, fulfilling carrier. Some questions you might want to ask would be:

Who other than yourself will be affected by making the change?

What other changes will be generated by my change in career?

Do I have genuine support from those who will be affected by the change? What will happen if I don't and still decide to make the change anyway?

What would be the consequences in my life if I didn't make the change?

How long would these consequences exist in my life if I did make the change? What would the consequences be if I didn't make the change?

Will I be able to meet my obligations if I do make the change? If I can't right away, how long before I *could* meet my current obligations? What could I do to make sure that I could meet my obligations once I make the career change?

Once you've identified the cost of your dream you need to answer the question, "Is my desired outcome worth the anticipated cost?", which leads to the ultimate question, "Do I really want what I think I want?" If the answer is yes then move on to the next principle. If, however, the answer is no, a strange thing happens. What happens is that you *decide* not to pursue the desired outcome. You no longer are in pursuit of that outcome because you have *chosen* not to do so. You no longer feel powerless toward that outcome. You have exercised your personal power, left the path of the Victim and entered the path of the Victor even though you will not be achieving an outcome you once thought desirable. In relation to the outcome you are where you are because you have decided to be there. You have taken control and exercised power you may have thought you didn't have. Congratulations! Now go celebrate.

If you have decided that the cost is worth it, then you must identify at least one, but preferably several "plans of action". It's best to have more than one so if one doesn't produce the desired outcome you can begin to execute another. If necessary, be creative here. If simple, straightforward activity won't accomplish the desired result then try to think outside of the box. Are there others you could ask to help you. What are you willing to give to them in return for there help? Keep "playing" with the dream until you have satisfied yourself that you have at least one plan of action that will lead you to your desired result.

Finally, if necessary, identify at least one person you can ask for emotional support. In certain circumstances you may not need it. A goal to save enough money to purchase a new DVD player might not require a supportive friend, but to effectively face a career change you probably will. Having a "cheerleader" when times look really dark can be an invaluable asset. Don't be afraid to admit the need. By identifying a supportive friend in advance, you avoid getting caught off guard when things start to get a bit toughs.

Once you have gone through the Identification process and have decided to press on toward your desired outcome, it now comes time to make some choices. We'll talk about what choices need to be made in the next article